Diary of a Van cat: Day 1

Written by: Trevor

Well what a week! Can’t say the beginning of this week has been the best moment of our lives so far … Snuggling in bed with our mum, then next thing we know, we were abducted by some strange looking guy with odd eyes and plonked into a metal box. Not even a chance to wave goodbye.

We travelled down some bumpy stairs and navigated the strange new cats we hadn’t met before. We were dropped down on the floor in a strange hall. Battered and bruised from that ordeal, it wasn’t long before we were airborne again, the silly odd-eyed human clumsily hit every wall and obstacle on our way out … Then the bright light hit our little eyes and a gust of fresh air chilled us to the bone.

When we recovered, we were in a strange enclosed room that started to rumble, a little like Kerim’s tummy after a large meal. A new face appeared next to us, the one we call “the bearded-one”. He began to poke and prod us, quite clearly oblivious to our current situation and distress. The odd-eyed one was somehow controlling the movement of the enclosed room, as the world outside began moving past rapidly, whether this was a good idea or not we cannot fathom, our lack of understanding of this human action did not ease our trauma.

Kerim and Ripley would not be quiet for the first part of the journey, complaining of the current accommodation and the fact they hadn’t had time to pack appropriately. It wasn’t until later, when I realised I had forgotten my favourite toy, that I began my protest. But it was no good. The bearded-one clearly spoke no Van and was apparent that he was an imbecile. I tried to speak slower and louder (as all good guide books tell you to do so) but it was no use. Well I gave up, no amount of moaning was working, I even made an attempt to dust off my French but apparently “où est mon jouet préféré?” does not translate to these morons.

Well we arrived, or should I say we landed, in a strange room. The walls were covered from top to bottom with books, which we tried removing for future reference. Sadly the mixture of London history and British monarchs is not going to help us. I have to say there are plenty of odd things to see here, excluding the humans. The facilities are nice, in fact having our own what’s-it-called its really handy.

I can only hope the humans don’t treat us as “pets”, that would be very undignified. I for one am a scholar and need to be treated with respect… Oh! Look a washing machine! weeeee…

Shoushan (Lily)

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